Day 1

Emergency! Emergency!

Route : Penzance - Land's End - Penzance (don't ask - I'm just the typist)
Miles : 20.97
Time in Saddle : 1 hour 27 minutes
Average Speed : 14.4 mph
Calories : 986 (not sure if that's 'consumed' or 'used')
Arse condition : lightly chaffing

So that's the stats out of the way, which hide the real story of the day, the surprisingly unsurprising fact that our two heroes brought Bristol train station to a halt by leaving two unidentified, weirdly shaped pieces of luggage (their bikes) unattended on the platform, resulting in the station being effectively closed down. The fact that the entire endeavour could have been brought to a premature end in a controlled explosion in Bristol before they had even attained the start line...well, you couldn't make it up.

When they finally did make the start line at Penzance, things went more smoothly with a 21 mile ride to Land'e End and back which David Samuel (43 1/2) described as 'a dawdle'. They did, however, manage to get to Land's End to find it shut, the guy who takes the photo at the famous sign having punched his card at 4pm.

The B&B, run by an L-shaped pensioner called Mrs Ash (111) makes The Slaughtered Lamb (ref: American Werewolf in London) look welcoming, and your correspondent has concerns they might not see the dawn.

More anon...